truth time

148.2. I hate you .I despise you. I cannot ESCAPE you. Sure, I still see 146 and 145...but somehow, I always make it back to YOU. Today, I'm telling myself that it's my new and improved calf muscles building up that brings us together once again, and that in a matter of weeks, you will be a number from my past. That, unless I should go insane and choose to get pregnant again, I will never see you again. I don't care if it takes me until November to get down to 135, I'm going to get there. And, even if it takes that long, I can still say proudly that I lost 50 pounds in a year. No shame in taking a year to shed it. Who cares if the last 10 pounds took the longest to loose. THEY'LL BE GONE!

My brother sent me a link to a hilarous blog. It's called, the public humliation diet. It's riddled with the f word, as a caution http://deadspin.com/5545674/the-public-humiliation-diet-a-how+to. It has a LOT of truth to it. How posting your weight online, and weighing yourself constantly FORCES reality on that denial that says "Oh, I'm 185 today because of the weight of the jeans....or water retention." Yeah, 50 pounds of water weight is pretty unlikely.

Our hike Wednesday kicked my butt. I mean, this is week 4? I think. I'm supposed to be getting stronger, and better. I feel stronger. But something about that hike or the day, was off. I was a good 1/2-3/4 mile behind the people I'm usually leading. Chris kept having to wait for me, and he was carrying 21lb Simon on his back. My sister, KK, who you could argue is over weight, was keeping up with him, and I was barley out pacing the hikers that were nearing 300 lbs. Thankfully, a massive storm hit. I've never seen lightning so close in my life. We ran down the mountain. That's when I knew I was stronger, because I could RUN down the mountain and be fine. For a good mile I ran my guts out. I would stop to see if my sister was safe with the other hikers. She has bad ankles and knees, so running down a steep and narrow rocky trail would be been insane for her. Chris still beat me to the car by a good 15 minutes. I could (and am) feel pathetic about this. But really, that isn't going to do any good. So, instead, I will keep up our family walks, swear off my recent sugar overdosing, and try to remain positive.

They say it's good to have a mental picture of what your end goal is. This is my sister Seana. I'm not sure how old she is here....probably my current age, because it's a few years back. She is now 32, and STILL this amazing. I wouldn't sport a bikini, because no amount of nutrition and crunches is going to rid me of my 'owies' as Ava calls them, aka fire belly, aka STRETCH MARKS.